Monday, July 15, 2002
Worst Personals?
former Catholic male, now Protestant female,
seeks handicapped (preferably blind) male
companion to gorge on peanut butter and mac-and-cheese
sandwiches. Please call between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.
Single female who enjoys interpretive dance,
wearing black clothing, and drinking herbal tea
seeks standoffish, analytical wimp to create Jell-O
sculptures and ballroom-dance in my living room.
Road-kill collector in search of a companion who
enjoys exotic pet animals like tigers and anacondas.
Must be lazy and unwilling to compromise.
Fifty-two-year-old empty-nester seeks young man
to be her diaper-dandy. Crybabies and whiners only.
Diapers, rattles, and spankings supplied.
Emotional invalid needs committed caretaker. Must
be willing to put up with violent mood swings with
ease and aplomb. No whiners.
Male stoner/horticulturalist jonesing for female companion.
Must be laid-back, tolerant of my stoner friends, and
able to bake brownies.
Gay football fan seeks same for weekend tailgating.
Some travel required. Must be willing to dress up as
team mascot for games and in bed.
Male Mensa member with seriously low self-esteem
seeks poorly educated but attractive idiot to make
me feel better about myself. Gender irrelevant.
WHOA!
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:48 PM
