Saturday, May 29, 2004
It's odd how I haven't had anything worthwhile to say on my blogs lately. Seems like I just keep updating on the day to day happenings. I think that's because I've reached a strange point in my life. I don't spend alot of time analyzing things anymore because the truth is that everything just IS the way it IS and the only thing you have control over is the future.
So I find myself about to start a journey that only the Lord knows where will take me. I'm excited, anxious, and very proud. It's all me now...all me. I'm leaving things behind that I never thought I could leave, yet somehow it's not bothering me in the least.
One strange thing did happen to me thursday night. I went out with Leslie and after dinner we were sitting on the couch and all the sudden it hit me that I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want ANYONE to touch me. It all feels so wrong after Jason. I seriously thought I was doing quite well with that whole ordeal. I hadn't had time to think about it and what's done is done. But apparently that's a foolish way for me to think of it. Apparently it all meant more to me than I'd admit, even to myself. Now I really am emotionally unavailable. I was struck by this reality check so hard that it actually made me sick to my stomach and I left. As if I hadn't been sick enough as it is. I've gotten sick everytime I eat since we got in that fight. I don't know why, I suppose it's just nerves. In time it will fade (
"I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia").
However, on a brighter note, I'm off to party with my girl Jocelyn for memorial day. I can't wait to see everyone!!! Peace out with two fingers up like a G!!!
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:28 PM
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Thursday, May 27, 2004
today and tomorrow...
I LOVE being a bum! this has been so much fun. I've only had doctors appointments and training to do all week. I've been laying out, catching up on my sleep, doing laundry, just taking it easy. It's been so refreshing. All I've got to do now is clean out my car and pack. 0 stress, I don't know what to do with myself.
♥Oh, so vintage... 1:37 PM
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Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Here I am once again EXTREMELY tired of driving back and forth to Lafayette, but today's trip was the last. I completed my training and I'm super psyched! turns out all that cool stuff I spent all my saturdays working on last semester is going to be VERY helpful for me. It's essentially what I'll be doing. So I'm totally ahead of the game and I even got my mudlogging manual early so I can go ahead and start preparing for the test. Usually they wait till you've completed a few jobs before they give it to you. I think being offshore is going to be great. I talked to a guy who'd been before today and he had nothing but good things to say. I've got two options right now. I can possibly go out in the next few days from Louisiana, but it's a 6 hour drive, or I can wait till monday, keep my dr's appt. for tomorrow, and go out at Galveston. The latter being my preference of course. I can't believe I'm about to get paid to do something I had to pay to do just a few short months ago. I haven't even thought about missing anyone yet. I can't believe I'm so ready to get out of here. I told Leslie this morning "home will always be my home, but my life is somewhere out there."
♥Oh, so vintage... 4:13 PM
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Monday, May 24, 2004
I LOVE my life and I'm SO excited about my new job I can hardly stand myself! I am however, extremely exhausted after getting up at 4am. I think I'm going to head home and take a nap.
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:22 PM
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Friday, May 21, 2004
The Fever becomes my home...
I know I know, what's up with all the blue lyrics right? When I'm hurt they are the bandaid for my wounds. As I'm sure they are for so many people like me. I feel very guilty today because I've spent the week moping and crying and being literally devestated over someone who was way less than I deserve. It happens to us all though. I talked to a friend today that I love dearly. I love him mostly because he has so many problems. Problems I can relate to all too well. Of course we all deal with life differently I think it's just nice to know you're not alone in your pain and thoughts sometimes. I think one of my greatest emotional struggles in life is that I love everyone so much even when I know they've hurt someone else I love, or even hurt me. They may be totally unworthy of my love, but I've learned that I can't choose who I love. Love chooses me. I know my purpose in life is to give unconditional love to those who need it. My purpose is to serve others who need it, not myself.
♥Oh, so vintage... 1:01 PM
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Important career moves should be chosen for their long-range potential, not short-run financial gains. Get the facts. Do not guess. You get somewhere faster because you're cautious and practical.
I think these fukers just sit around spying on me so they can write this shit to freak me out.
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:43 PM
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Thursday, May 20, 2004
I’m an automatic steeple
For depressed and lonely people
My heart while in its cage
Used to give and not receive a thing
But the only funny thing is
That I don’t know how to give myself advice
I have this post-dramatic thing
There’s a tattoo of a ring
That lies around my wedding finger
And that’s where I want to stake this claim
That I got to go live and dream
Before I go and get myself in love
in love
Before, before I go and get myself in love
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:21 PM
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I think pretty soon there's going to be this massive outpouring of emotion on my blog. As soon as I get drunk enough that is. Or maybe getting drunk every night has been what's keeping me sane. I was told last night by someone dear to me for along time now that I "bring out the worst in him" but in a good way. He wants to do very bad things to me. Why is it when someone tells me that I'm never in the mood???
As we discussed for so long last night life is all about timing isn't it? Why is my heart so paralyzed right now, and what do I do?
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:00 AM
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
There's no telling where your next job is coming from, but it's certainly on its way. Ask for references, and call your friends to get recommendations. Dream about where you'd like to be in five years.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:51 AM
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Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You're sorry to see this phase end, but you're not about to let the moss grow on you. Listen to the complaints of people that are having trouble adapting. What drives them crazy only serves to motivate you. Take a deep breath and deal with all the unpleasant business first. What you need is an instant track record. The individuals that you hope to impress will need to believe in your efficiency from the very beginning. Earn their trust so that they'll let you run with it.
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:53 AM
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Tuesday, May 18, 2004
I love this bar
pick up lines of the night...
"Hey why don't we run down to the river and do a little night fishin'?"
"I'm outta gas, you think you could run me to town and let me fill er up?"
"Let's go get some gas so I don't run out and we can go down to the river for some night fishin'."
"It was actually the toes that got me. Your little tater tot toes need some barbecue sauce on em so I can just eat em up."
yeah, so you KNOW you're jealous. NOBODY rocks like we rock.
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:18 AM
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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A conversation with the right person turns your day around. All you need is a sympathetic ear.
It's easier to move on once you're validated. Look deeper and learn more. Make the connections that you were born to make. Even if you're not the first to know a secret, you're quick to understand how it all fits together. This gives you ownership. There's a vacant seat of power if you're willing to sit in it. The total is still a little short if you're ready to put in your two cents.
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:56 AM
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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
A conversation with the right person turns your day around. All you need is a sympathetic ear.
It's easier to move on once you're validated. Look deeper and learn more. Make the connections that you were born to make. Even if you're not the first to know a secret, you're quick to understand how it all fits together. This gives you ownership. There's a vacant seat of power if you're willing to sit in it. The total is still a little short if you're ready to put in your two cents.
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:56 AM
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Monday, May 17, 2004
Soundtrack for my life right now...
Hilary Duff~Metamorphasis
this CD ROCKS!!! I love it. The new song she has out, Come Clean, is SO my life right now!!! I'm going through a Metamorphosis right now too. New job, New life, New opportunities...they are all staring me in the face and despite the atrocities that occured in my life this weekend I know I'm going to be perfectly alright because I always am.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:03 AM
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Virgo
August 22 - September 21
This is not the time to make any more of a commitment to your relationship, dear Virgo. You aren't totally satisfied with your attitude toward things lately. But don't forget that your partner's characteristics may have something to do with it too! You have two months ahead of you to take care of things. Take advantage of this reevaluation period. It doesn't happen that often...
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:01 AM
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Friday, May 14, 2004
Fine Ass L. Valentine says...
PIMPIFY YO SHIT!
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:01 AM
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Thursday, May 13, 2004
Check this out...
Glo-Patrol ALL the way baby.
Mexican UFO's
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:25 AM
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004
I've got this new fetish with glassware. Anything ranging from teacups and saucers, to westmoreland satin mist. I'm going to be an expert on this stuff one day. I've got patterns, makers marks, finishes, you name it, I'm learning it. After I've conquered that, I'm moving on to art. :)
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:05 PM
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
I'm going to miss Jason so much while I'm gone. But I think maybe it'll be good because it'll make the time together so much sweeter.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:29 AM
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I've got a new interest. I'm going to make Butterbean into the biggest baddest bay dog out there. Then when I accomplish that I'm going to sell her puppies for ridiculous amounts of money. Sounds like a good plan huh?
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:29 AM
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Never have I seen a more
dramatic family, well except maybe my own flesh and blood at times.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:26 AM
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Never have I seen a more
dramatic family, well except maybe my own flesh and blood at times.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:26 AM
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Monday, May 10, 2004
there's gotta be more to life than just about every temporary high to satisfy me...
And I'm going to find it. I can't express the extreme resolve I feel about taking this job. This is for me. I'm finally taking that step out into the world. Leaving it all behind and jumping right in and I've never felt so confident about something. I've been reassured by everyone and I know I'm totally supported in this decision by the people closest to me. I want to thank everyone SO much for helping me with decision. All the encouragement has been great I hope I'll always be able to return the favor. I'm doing this for ME. I've always known I was bigger than what was here, not neccesarily better, just bigger.
Take your passion and make it happen
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:01 PM
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I'm taking the job.
I start in two weeks on May 24th.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:34 AM
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Friday, May 07, 2004
jplmyers: you're crazy!
jplmyers: this is why you rock
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:07 AM
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She's a Woman now, but that child in her colors outside the lines...
So much on my plate right now. So many questions, not enough answers.
The job is mine if I want it. Now I've got the weekend to decide if I want it. As life never is simple neither is this decision. I've been weighing the pros and cons through a sleepless night. And this morning the only decision I had come to was that I wanted a steak for dinner...oh and that I quite possibly might be in love, or smoething along those lines. Last night when his head was on my bare stomach and my fingers were intertwined in his hair, I could feel his breath on the back of my hand and I wanted to stay right there in that moment for the rest of my life. I've never felt that way before. It made all of my previous
feelings about any other guys pale in comparison. I know it's only been a little over a month, but as much time as we've spent together it's felt like we've always been this way. It's in the simplest things from the way he winks at me to the way he holds my hand when he's driving. I've never felt so safe. I've never had to ask where our relationship stands because somehow it's just not an issue. I never knew that something could feel this right. I'm always about the challenge and attempting to create something out of impossible relationships. I had no idea that sometimes you don't have to try, sometimes it just all falls into place. So all of this thought brings me back to the question of do I want this job or not?
In January, after I graduated, I was so ready for something like this. I had adjusted to the fact that I'd have to make certain sacrifices in order to reach long term goals. I knew they were only temporary and I know deep down that if I want something bad enough I can endure anything to achieve it. I had decided I was ready to take the risks, a person only has a short time in their life when they aren't tied down to anything and have the opportunity to be free. Then when I never got called back about my resumes and nothing ever came from the phone calls, I resigned myself to the idea of teaching. I shouldn't say resigned really because now I think I'd love it so much. I've gotten excited about the prospect of inspiring and molding the future. Then this was dropped into my lap. So I quickly switched gears and decided I needed time to think about all of the ramifications this could bring. I always want to be able to say I've lived my life with no regrets and so far I can say that. Now I don't know what to do because for the first time ever I'm tied to something that I've been searching for my whole life. Things with Jason might fall apart tomorrow, but what if he's the rest of my life. What if I'm leaving behind the best thing that ever happened to me? Because honestly the way I'm looking at things right now, it's not going to be worth the sacrifices to take this job. So I'm going to continue thinking about this and weighing my options.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:20 AM
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004
I have a job interview tomorrow in Laffayette!!!
Everyone wish me luck. This will be a whole new adventure for me. I'll most likely be working offshore! :)
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:33 AM
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Tuesday, May 04, 2004
GUYS...IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET TOO CONFIDENT IN LOVE? TO THINK SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW IF THEY ARE? WORDS OF ADVICE...DON'T OVERLOOK THE ONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU MOST. I UNDERSTAND OBLIGATIONS, BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:53 AM
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