Thursday, July 29, 2004
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:07 PM
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I've decided I'm going to start keeping a journal for my girls and make copies of it to give to them at the end of the season. I think they'd love to see my perspective on it. They are such a trip and I can tell I'm going to have the absolute time of my life working with them on this. You people will probably get tired of reading my blog because all I'll do is talk about work now.
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:49 PM
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Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Well 5 of my girls qualified for elite today woohoo! I can't wait to get started with the flag corps next week. This is going to be such a blast. They're even marching with the band this year, it's like they knew I was coming.
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:29 PM
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Monday, July 26, 2004
I'm home from vacation and everything is as hectic as I knew it would be. My girls started their drill team camp this morning. There's nine of them and as of right now, they're so sweet. I'm sure that'll change when I start getting on their asses about their routines. I'm just going to play it by ear at first, but as soon as class starts in two weeks, I'm bringing out the whips ;)
Have I mentioned that I think I'm completely in love with this boy? I suppose absence really does make the heart grow fonder because I get that butterfly in my stomach feeling everytime I think about him. Last night at dinner we couldn't stop smiling at each other. I feel like I'm 15 and this is the first guy I've ever dated. I mean seriously we've been dating for a solid month again and collectively two and a half, where is this coming from? I fall further for him every day. But I try really hard not to let myself or him see that. I wish he would talk more about how he feels. I think I'm going to have to settle for the fact that he's a man of action and not words. I know I'm the only one and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that he's ever been serious about. I just lose myself in him. It's been a long time since I've let go like that. I'm finding it's harder to let myself need somebody than I thought.
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:49 PM
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Saturday, July 17, 2004
"[They] are global thinkers, apt to see the whole, the philosophy or the scientific framework, before they concern themselves with the details. They are concept-oriented, and have an enormous desire to make sense of this world, to master it, and to make an impact on it. They want to find out, they want to make discoveries, because of their inner need for intellectual and emotional order."
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:05 AM
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Friday, July 16, 2004
I must say I have a new found respect for Martha Stewart. You go make somebody your bitch Martha.
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:39 PM
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Jason…
I get the feeling that when I vent on here the only result are the bad things I think and feel. It’s hard to say the words when you’re breath is gone and you’re chest is too tight to make a sound. It’s hard to verbalize all the great things he makes me feel because somehow as people we’ve made it far to easy to say the wrong things and far to hard to say the right. So we find ourselves at a loss for the words that can properly convey the sweetness of a stolen glance or the tingle of the slightest brush of his fingers across my back, barely more than a soft breeze that ruffled my shirt. I can’t quite explain that when he’s holding me although I don’t know so much about him, I know he’s home. I know that when my head is on his chest and I can feel him deeply inhaling the scent of my hair that there isn’t another place on this earth I’d rather be at that exact moment. I know that when he calls me in the mornings I can’t get the smile off my face for the rest of the day. I know that when I’m with him I wish I had the words to tell him all of this, but I know that I don’t need the words because somehow he already knows. I know that he’d never criticize me and that he’d always respect my opinion. I know this because I’d do the same for him. I know that secretly he likes to show me off and that he’s proud that I belong to him. I know he likes to protect me from things he ashamed of because he’s too proud to admit that he couldn’t fix them. I know he feels responsible for the world and that he spends all of his time trying to make it a wonderful place. I know his heart is broken from things in his past he hasn’t yet revealed. I know that he’d indulge my interests even if he silently wished he were elsewhere, as would I his. I know that he falls asleep every time we watch a movie because he’s usually worked ten times harder in one day than most people do in a week. And so my friends when I complain and analyze and try my hardest to find all of his imperfections know it is only because of my own insecurities.
♥Oh, so vintage... 1:32 AM
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004
That's my girl...
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:45 PM
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Monday, July 12, 2004
What a wicked game to play to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you
They say if you love someone let them go. If they return to you they are yours and if they don't return to you they were never yours. Well I let go. I left, tried not to look back and spent many sleepless nights begging to forget. Then apparently he was mine because he came back to me. So if he wanted me back why doesn't he act like he does. Is there a two week limit of time he can spend with me before I'm just too much to deal with? I don't understand how he can be so attentive, so affectionate and doting then wake up and not care if he talks to me for a week. I don't see a place for me in his life when everyone and everything else come before me. I've been very cautious this time around because my trust is an incredibly hard thing to rebuild. I've taken the attitude that I'm not making the effort on this one. He's the one who acted like a complete ass. He's the one who decided it wouldn't work. He's the one who thought I called him to often. So why was he the one to come back to me with open arms with regret? I just don't understand it all which gives me a very uneasy feeling about it. Plus I HATE being so involved in a relationship that I can't remember that I have a life of my own. I HATE being at someone else's convenience and that's exactly what it is for him. Don't get me wrong there is an amazing inner peace I feel when I'm with him. I just can't decide if it's worth the trade off of losing myself again. Where the hell is the balance? I don't think there can be a balance with someone like me. I find myself wishing for someone who's like me. Someone multi-faceted and has the same passion for life and everthing it holds the good and the bad. Then I realize that's not what I need, it would drive me absolutely crazy. I need someone to center me, calm me and help me find balance.
I'm watching the culmination of multiple projects in my life and this one is throwing me off. I'm allowing it to which is what makes me even madder. I can't talk to him about it because GOD FORBID we confront our feelings! I'm tired of guessing and assuming and never knowing with him. I need constant reassurance, it's just the type of person I am. I know I'll never get that with him. Actions speak louder than words and sometimes his actions say he's going to be there forever, then the very next day he can't remember my name.
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:12 PM
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Friday, July 09, 2004
Jessica's aunt Leighanne got the most awesome job ever at this place in houston called
The Funkyard.
I SO wanna work there...
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:37 PM
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Tomorrow night...
It's ON
BLUE OCTOBER
♥Oh, so vintage... 11:50 AM
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Thursday, July 08, 2004
Reagan
Riley
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:19 PM
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Jenn's suprise b-day party is tonight woohoo! It's going to be so much fun. We had a blast this weekend at the lake. Turns out I wasn't cut out for a pair of water ski's. I stayed out there for about 2 hours trying to get up on those dang ski's. I was just so tired I couldn't try again so I quit. I will however say that's one of the greatest workouts I've ever had. I'm still sore, and sunburned.
♥Oh, so vintage... 2:51 PM
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He said no one has ever cooked him a dinner that good before. I love this man ;)
♥Oh, so vintage... 2:50 PM
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