Wednesday, October 27, 2004
As a new day smiles upon me...
It occurs to me that maybe, just maybe...my total lack of inspiration as of late has come from the fact that I'm just too deliriously tired to know how to have fun anymore. It's quite possible if you think about it. I mean I get up at 5:30am (*edit for reality* actually I slap the alarm till 6:15 when my Mother comes and drags me out of bed), take a shower and get dressed as I listen to Rula and Ryan drone on and on incompetently due to that being the only station I get on my alarm clock, drag myself downstairs where I briefly catch up with the rents on the previous days events, then make the short drive to school where I am instantly bombarded my students who all want my undivided attention ALL DAY LONG. I then begin my workday with two full class periods to myself in which I prepare the days lesson and anticipate how long it will take before I crack at this job, after which I try my best not to kill any students. After two classes I make my little trek to the cafeteria where I pick my 'poison' and I'm not exaggerating, I then continue the last three feeling somewhat queesy from the mystery meat I had at lunch. By 3:20pm I'm praying to God that I can duck out of the school without any encounters with the principal. I then start Drill Team practice which goes one of two ways...
***It's a full week later and I've just been too damn tired to finish this***
♥Oh, so vintage... 8:16 PM
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004
On a later flight of fancy...
I miss that witty banter that used to drive my intelligence. I miss the long late nights talking till I fell asleep. I miss the useless trivia. I miss the way I actually had time during the day to analyze life. I miss the questions I used to have about the world. I miss the way I used to know myself when I was myself. I miss myself. I miss how words used to be so beautiful and how my thoughts used to play with them like a child with a puppy. I miss the way my thoughts written down used to seem like reality. I miss the way it all was. I miss the way life was before it all changed so drastically. But I love the journey that it's taken me on.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:21 PM
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I had my first observation today from my Supervisor at Kingwood and it went fantastic!Although, I do believe my kids tried their best to be as difficult as they possibly could be. I'm still quite satisfied with the overall outcome.
I went to Spec's for the first time tonight and oh man! That place is a little slice of heaven on earth I'm telling you. I stocked up on some beer among other things.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:10 PM
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Sunday, October 24, 2004
Things are going well with the EX. I'm still going to refer to him as that because who knows how long it will be before he decides to be that again right? I really should give him more credit for the time being actually. He's been more into making this right than I ever dreamed he would be. I think under the right conditions things could possibly work out. However, we'll see if we ever achieve those conditions. I'm finally starting to feel better this afternoon. I've eaten twice without getting ridiculously sick. This has been a nice diet though I can say that. I'm actually looking forward to jury duty so I won't have to go to work tomorrow, sad huh? And THANK GOD there are only two more football games left. Hopefully I won't kill anyone on my drill team between then and now ;). Oooh...and I get paid tomorrow which is ALWAYS a good thing.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:53 PM
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Thursday, October 21, 2004
Ignored for far too long...
So I've been neglegent in my upkeep here. Life's been throwing those curveballs like you wouldn't believe. Just like the race for the world series, I'm taking it to game number 7 too. I think Jason and I are back together. I just don't know. Part of my says yes and part of my says hell no! I can't make up my mind because no one can give me an objective viewpoint on the subject. I'm trying to follow my heart, but it's being drowned out by everyone else's voices. I'm just ready for my Dad to be home. His advice is always best. I've been sick with a virus for two days and monday I have jury duty. You think they'll pick me if I walk in with an NRA shirt on? ;)
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:23 PM
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Sunday, October 17, 2004
We beat cleveland 27-26!!!!
That has NEVER happened and I'm SO proud of my boys!
The band made a second division, not too shabby and my girls did great.
All I have to say is...
Pirates of the Caribbean
♥Oh, so vintage... 3:24 PM
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004
To: All the good apples I know... Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the grounds that aren't as good, but easy......So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked! And... Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:49 PM
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004
I have a huge favor to ask and it would help me out a whole
lot! Although I'm EXTREMELY ashamed and embarrased to ask, I feel that I can ask you before I can ask my other friends. If you can't help me, I'll understand. Thank you.
So what scares me about this is...
1. I can't imagine for the life of me what this boy would be embarrased about
2. I am astonished he would ask me of all people
3. how much it's killing me to know just what he wants to ask
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:06 PM
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Monday, October 11, 2004
I'm looking through some old emails I kept between me and Josh. Damnit man. I can't get over some of this stuff. It's hilarious. We had so much fun building the tention. I wanna do it again!
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:59 PM
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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
You're your own worst critic, Virgo. Nothing you do ever seems to meet your high standards of perfection. Would you be this hard on your friends? Practice being kind to yourself. Practice forgiveness.
Amen to that...
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:27 PM
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Sunday, October 10, 2004
Josh spent the night last night, and the day today. I was proud of myself because for one
I didn't give in to temptation. I think Sparky pretty much cured me of ever wanting to be with anyone again. But, I will confess that by the end of the day my heart was beginning to soften slightly. I just never know what's going on with Josh. However, I think that helps me now because now I know that I'm never going to know where I stand. I didn't even have to wait on him hand and foot all weekend. Those of you who've met Josh will understand my shock and suprise about that. He actually even waited on me a little bit. He was so sweet last night. He slept in my bed and stayed curled up around me all night. He's never done that. We had so much fun last night even though he tried to kill me on the 3 wheeler when he wrecked it ;). We went down to the sand bar at Pruitt's and he and Jess did God only knows what while we played.
It was a good night, but strange too. I think I realized I haven't grieved over Jason yet. I haven't had time. I had no other choice but to say ok and turn around and move on. He and all his friends had been at the bar the night before and everyone wanted to know if 'we were on the outs again' to which I explained we were on the outs for good this time. The mention of his name made me sick at my stomach and I thought I was going to have to leave. I just feel so betrayed by him it's unreal. I couldn't really talk about it and then finally Josh drug it out of me this morning. I can't be close with Josh because of it. When I'm lying in bed with Josh it just feels wrong for him to touch me. Not that I want Jason anymore, but I just feel violated by the whole thing. I guess with Josh it was always safe because I was in control, with Jason I was never in control. He had too much of me. I found myself in quite a predicament because there I was last night, having a total blast with the former love of my life and I'm so turned off by men that I couldn't even let myself enjoy it. Today was better though, I think because Josh gets along well with my parents. That and we talk. We talk all the time, about important things that we are passionate about. Jason wasn't passionate about anything but cows and hay. And face it, a girl like me needs a man that can intellectually stimulate her and Josh does that. We fit really well together today, maybe not in a couple sorta way, but definately close. It's finally like it's supposed to be between us. Niether one of us chasing the other, just confortable and accepting. Maybe we've both had a lot of time to grow that we really needed. Then again, maybe we just need each other right now. God has a great nack of using Josh to teach me those wonderful life lessons. I'm not sure but I think he was a little jealous of Pruett too. When he got there last night I was giving James a hug and someone said something about us making a cute couple and the next thing I know Josh is stuck by my side. I don't think it's that he really wants me so much as its just that he's always had my undivided attention and he needs it because he doesn't get anyone else's. And face it, my attention is the best in the world :) But enough of this I've rambled enough. Time to grade papers and get on with the business of the real world.
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:43 PM
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Saturday, October 09, 2004
Well my girls did quite well today. Apparently they respond better to me chewing their asses out than just talking to them. Last night was awful and today was better than it's ever been. But in one weeks time they'll have their own judge that will rip them apart. Yeah it's going to be a fun week. Overall we got a 2, which was pretty acurate. I of course am used to the best ;) so it'll be a real adjustment getting used to this.
♥Oh, so vintage... 4:31 PM
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Sunday, October 03, 2004
I forgot how much fun we had together. Josh is...well, Josh is Josh. It was so great to talk to him, and good to know he's been asking about me ;) Hopefully we'll get to hang out this weekend. I wish I wasn't always so busy. I miss my old life so much. I didn't realize it until Jess said something about going on a geology field trip with her mom and now all I can think about it how much fun we all used to have. I even got that giddy school girl butterfly in the stomach feeling when I saw his name on the caller ID. WTF!?
♥Oh, so vintage... 9:55 PM
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Saturday, October 02, 2004
VIRGO
Why are you doubting yourself? You have the talent, the skills and the brains to do whatever you set your mind to, but you're letting that little voice inside of your head hold you back. Let yourself see the greatness that is within you and that all your friends can see. For now, do what you set out to do and the big picture will hopefully fall into place another time.
hmmm...
♥Oh, so vintage... 5:27 PM
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