Oh, so vintage?

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I've got dreams...dreams to remember...
I just spent about thirty minutes reading through some old emails of mine and Josh's. I don't know how the hell we are still friends. He's an absolute asshole and he better be glad I was such a nice person back then and not as Jaded and smart as I am now. I want to smack the shit out of him just thinking about it. I was so good to him. I want to go back in time and take that little girl who hung on his every word and action and shake her till she gets some sense. What was I thinking??? I suppose it was that "unconditional love" I was so fond of giving too freely of at the time. I'm still relatively guilty of that now but I've gained greater control over it.
I think its his turn to wait on me hand and foot and make sure I'm happy all the time. Mr. "it makes me so happy knowing your happy" owes me an apology for the last 3 years of our friendship (and I use that term loosely)! Ugh...maybe he's opened his eyes. I don't buy this I can abuse you but no one else can bullshit. How can he sit there and preach about how much he hated seeing me get hurt when he dealt more shit than any of them? This all leaves me questioning how can I really rely on him? Granted we've grown up in the past 2 years, I still don't know that he's the type of person who can handle me. Because face it, not too many people can.
Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me~KT Tunstall

♥Oh, so vintage... 11:22 PM

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Monday, April 24, 2006

*I had a revelation Friday evening that I've had enough of the redneck mentality out here in the sticks and I'm seriously "OVER IT."

*Saturday I cleaned for mom, went to a beauty control party, looked absolutely fabulous and went to Dayton Olde Tyme days. More rednecks, once again I reitterate...I'm "OVER IT."

*So Saturday night I get a call from my boys and they are all at Lake Livingston. The little shits are renting a house on the lake and they wanted me to come up. Now I certainly don't make it a habit of partying with my former students, but I love these boys and I've stayed close with them for awhile now. I had a BLAST! All I did yesterday was play pool, drink beer, lay out and let them bait my hook and throw it out for me. I got a BADASS tan, caught some fish and thought about how glad I was that I was almost finished with this godforsaken job. So now I've got a new place to play which is much closer than my lake and alot more fun.

*This morning I woke up to a phone call that my dog had ran away to my mother's AGAIN and was probably about to have her puppies soon. We've watched her all day and I think we'll have 1 puppy, real soon. I'll take pictures.

*I spent the morning in Beaumont making life changing decisions. I had a meeting with Dr. Jordan and after an hour he had me talked into finishing my Geology degree. So here I go. I start Calculus in June, with Josh of course. Josh is so overwhelmingly excited he can hardly stand himself. We figured out our whole schedule and we should graduate pretty close to the same time, although it will be my second degree and his first. He spent a good solid two hours trying desperately to convince me to move to beaumont and get a house with him. Now we had an interesting night this past Thursday. I don't know what to say about him or how to react, or what to think really. I think he must feel the same way, however, he did tell me that he loved me, which was precious. It was hard for him to say. I've saved that boys life on more than a few occasions now and he knows it. So today when he told me that he knew everything was going to be ok because I was coming back I was very touched. Josh is very special to me Next to Jess and Amy, he's closest to me. We can go for months without talking and pick up like we never left each other. We drove around for an hour looking at houses. I swear I'd do it in a heartbeat if I wasn't already settled. We'd have a blast living together, he was so cute talking about all the places we could go and that we could join a gym and go sit in the park and do our homework. I swear it was like we were married without the proposal, hahaha! I took the Pedro approach with the smile and nod for the whole day. He left me speechless and questioning what the hell he had smoked before he picked me up for lunch.

The days events have left me overwhelmed, amazingly happy, and very ready to take on the world.

Come on and lay it down
I’ve always been with you
Here and now
Give all that’s within you
Be my savior
And I’ll be your downfall

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:09 PM

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Time for that new spring look...

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:42 PM

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Next monday I've got an appointment with the head of the Department at Lamar to discuss my employment situation and what my options are. I'm very excited about it, hopefully it goes well.

I scored big today thanks to my fabulous father! He did a job for a customer today who asked him if he knew anyone who might want an above ground swimming pool. He'd had it for 3 years and his kids only swam in it once. He's tired of looking at it and wants to give to whoever will take it down. So Dad snagged it for me. Apparently it's quite large and top of the line. So here's to the Jefferson's and movin on up...

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:26 PM

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Monday, April 17, 2006

I don't think you've properly lived life until you've heard the techno version of Crazy in Love. I think that Brian's existance would be questionable if it weren't for all the weird crap of his I inherited.
A CD case full of Techno/Rave/Trance music
A CD case full of R&B hits
A beanie in almost every color of the rainbow
Enough wife-beaters to last a lifetime
Some bassass jeans
An Exquisite lamp
and I was a week shy of inheriting the bigscreen...

But there are definately things I miss.
Waking up with someone holding me
Someone telling me how beautiful I am every morning
Someone holding my hand
Laughing, at everything
Staying up until the donut place opened up for breakfast
I miss hearing I love you
I miss him telling me how great I looked every morning before work

And there are things I don't and never will miss.
Lint behind the dryer because his lazy ass wouldn't throw it away
Doing his laundry
His distorted relationship with Misty
His drinking
His smoking
His "recreational activities"
His inability to go to sleep at a normal hour

I sometimes wonder if it all really happened because it was sorta like a death. The last words he said to me were "Alright baby I'll call you tomorrow at lunch" and I never heard from him again. The only time I think about it is when I see something that reminds me of him and I think about how surreal it all seems.
But I think even though I knew I loved him I still knew deep down the whole time that it would never go anywhere. I think my life is too big and holds too much to be limited by such distractions and situations.

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

♥Oh, so vintage... 5:40 PM

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I, being the spoiled only child I am, take my trash to my father every week for him to dump for me. Last night I walked into the house and told mom I had brought my trash down to which responded with "Oh really, do we know them?" I love that woman, haha!

♥Oh, so vintage... 5:32 PM

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Friday, April 14, 2006

That boy is still really nice, but I've recently discovered he's a little bit Cocky.

♥Oh, so vintage... 10:49 AM

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Monday, April 10, 2006

Why Everyone should have a roomate like mine at least once in their lives...

Text #1
I have decided to document the next 14 days of my lifeas the boil heals. I would love 4 u 2 be my editor...along with pictures. i would like to have some interviews-maybe jason and his view w/maybe some action shots of him driving the ems vehicle...etc..anyway u catch my drift.

Text #2
I'm going to bed so i'll give u some times 2 think on it. not 2 much cause this could be like a winning lottery ticket...hot hot hot

My response
OK Jess and Jason are in

Text #3
Ok but as long as they understand their share will be distributed to them as a party of one...since they are together they equal 1..there is big money n this.

I fear for her offspring.

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:16 PM

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind*BO
These words echo in an empty dark place
in the silent cold chambers of my stolen grace
I wish I knew then what I still don't know now
I wish I could have stopped it I wish I knew how*LC
For the past few months those words of that song have haunted me. I still can't really say why. I think they are just a reminder of where I've been and what's happened to me recently. I'm proud to say I did Exactly what it took to leave it behind.

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:05 PM

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This is for you Jess...

Name: dennis murphy
Who is asking: Parent
Level: Elementary
Question:
I would like to find out the name of a Three dimensional rectangle. I should know this but...............
Looking forward to hearing the answer

Hi Dennis,
The consensus here seems to be "rectangular box". It might be called a "rectangular parallelipiped" but that sounds a bit persumptious.
Cheers,
Harley

I think I'm still just going to call it a "stick of butter"

♥Oh, so vintage... 12:41 AM

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By the way that boy I met last weekend is very nice.

A sunless day it was a clumsy card house raid

♥Oh, so vintage... 12:33 AM

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Saturday, April 08, 2006

My words they pour like children to the playground...

"Sometimes a situation cannot heal until you release the challenge completely. To realize the healing however, you must first stop focusing on what is wrong and instead affirm: Everything is in Divine and perfect order right now."

I quit the dope quest and remain independently happy.
How many times have I written that same phrase on here? Times when I truly believed for the moment I was "independently happy". But I look back and think to myself at that time I had no clue what it meant to be independently happy. And maybe I still don't. Maybe the concept is constantly evolving into something new every day. Or maybe I am always independently happy. Maybe my unhappiness all lies within my relationships with others.
I think one of my toughest quests in life will be learning to balance. I tend to be the type of person who rolls with life beautifully for awhile then crashes in burns. Then I start the uphill climb again and it becomes a cycle. So I'm learning to put my foot down for me.
At this moment I'm sitting in my kitchen/dining area typing away on my laptop. My laptop that I paid for. My kitchen that I painted purple and have accented with purple. And when I say mine it's a really great feeling. Who cares if it's a trailer? It's mine. My blood sweat and tears have gone into this place. This year this trailer became my sanctuary in some of my hardest days. I then "played house" with someone completely unworthy for awhile. And now that I can sleep here alone again I'm quite taken with this place. It's changed me more than I knew. Since I purchased it in September I've worked harder, played harder, and loved harder than ever in my life. I cherish everything about it, the good and the bad, the laughter and the tears (because there have been many).
As I walked to the gate tonight to shut it I was overcome by the smell of honeysuckle, one of my favorite things about this time of year. It smells so much sweeter at night. I was overcome by a feeling of gratefulness. I love it here...
My gnome on the fencepost
My flowers at the gate
My garden
My backyard
My wire spool patio furniture
My purple and green kitchen
My blue and silver bedroom set
My brand new energy efficient washer and dryer
My grill
My tiki torches
My ridiculously large bathtub
My fabulous closets
My precious cat and dog
It is a complete expression and extension of myself. It's a work of art in its own right. A blank canvas with white walls when I bought it. So I hope next time I get to the top of that hill and the crash and burn cycle starts all over again I have enough sense to realize what I'm capable of and how important that is.

♥Oh, so vintage... 11:59 PM

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Book em Danno!
A lesson on random shit...

*In case you are one of the few unknowing who has NO clue how awesome or amazing my mother is well let me tell you...
SHE ROCKS!!!!
That woman bought me the new Blue October cd today and...she bought all of their old cd's!

*Brian's sister Misty called me. And I called her back. She wasn't home. She "loves and misses me". I'm seriously intrigued. I can't wait to talk to that crazy girl.

*Quote of the night "Jessica made some kind of concoction that made Lacy naked"

*I started working on my cover letter today.

*Drill team tryouts were today. I sure don't miss that pressure. Those poor girls crying was just ridiculous. But part of me was sad knowing this was the last thing I'd be doing with them.

*I have this twitch in my eye that I've had since my January observation. I'm positive it will go away on the last day of school. It's getting ridiculous.

*My pool I bought has a hole, so it's going back to wal-mart.

*There is a lady that works in the cleveland wal-mart that has the most amazingly huge hair that is has been a topic of conversation at school for the past two days. I'm SO going covert op and taking a picture. You just wait bitches...it's going to be brilliant. I thought about asking her if she was the one who sold the DVD player with the porn in it. But then I thought, she could kill me and hide my body in her hair and no one would ever know I was in there!

*Now I've got plans with my favorite friend and all her chirrens...

P.S. Ax yo Mamma en em tell em I sed how she durrrn...

♥Oh, so vintage... 7:32 PM

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I'm making choices
Finding a little at a time
The choice was always mine

Of all the recent additions to my music collection this song sticks in my head like bubble gum on a shoe. I suppose it's because of the major life choices I've been faced with in the past year of my life. I look at my life a year ago and I don't know or remember that person. But I see that as a good thing. Not that I was horrible back then. It's just that I've grown alot. I see all the things that get me down and even at my lowest I'm still so much higher than so many others.

Time and again our paths collide
I'm still seeing all the sadness you haven't left behind
It still haunts you
That's clear as hell
With all your demons floating round you made a coward of yourself
Aww but that's not me so I must be gone
I have no time for feeling sorry for you, I'll write it in a song

These lyrics struck me the most. And write it in a song I did, many songs.

Cause I am wild and I am free
Lord it seems you always wanted that for me
I'm filled with love to the point I'm springing leaks

♥Oh, so vintage... 8:32 PM

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Monday, April 03, 2006

Weekend Rundown...
Friday night I bought a pool, got drunk by myself, went to the bar, and didn't sleep worth a shit.
Saturday I had lunch with Jess and the kids, came home and put my pool together, laid out, cooked ribs and had dinner with the kids.
Saturday night I went to Jess and Jason's, GOT SHITTY, jumped on the trampoline, played pool, compared nipple rings, took a LONG walk, had the couch olympics, met a boy (well remet a boy), didn't sleep a single minute.
Sunday morning Mom called at 7:15, I came home and slept for 2 hours in the car, napped all day on the deck of the boat, and got a great tan, and came home and passed out.

p.s. I had a blast saturday night. It's been a long time since I've had so much fun. LOVE YOU JESS!!!

♥Oh, so vintage... 6:26 PM

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I am 17% Asshole/Bitch.
http://www.fuali.com/test.aspx?id=dd4c0ca6-a554-4cbe-b0e7-bc17462a412e"> src="http://www.fuali.com/testimage.aspx?img=41ed3826-0fbb-4c02-8e23-501693e6baf3.gif" alt="Not an Asshole or a Bitch." border="0" style="margin-top:5px">

I am not an asshole or a bitch, more like an asshole and bitch target. I have no backbone, and fold at even a slightly insincere look. I need to stop crying, I am such a wuss.

Take'>http://www.fuali.com/test.aspx?id=dd4c0ca6-a554-4cbe-b0e7-bc17462a412e">Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

LMFAO!!!
Anyone who has every been on the receiving end of one of my verbal assaults, or has witnessed on knows better. Although they are few and far between I'm pretty sure everyone is thankful of that.

♥Oh, so vintage... 6:26 PM

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Lady of the Year

Mrs. Cooper-Bell at your service...

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My Beautiful Husband.
A new car.
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UFO's.

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That Girl Ain't Right
Over the Rain
Where the Wild Ones Run
It's a Redheaded Life
Changing Lives... One Mile At A Time
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All I need to know, I learned in Pre-K
Life on the Run
Renee
The Tattooed Debutante
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