Monday, February 09, 2004
I can't remember the last time I cried. I just don't cry over anything anymore. But last night I cried and today I cried. For so many overwhelming reasons. It was all triggered by this...
02.07.89
Ain’t it funny how time plays tricks on our mind? Fifteen years ago seems like yesterday to me. The sound of frozen grass crunching beneath my feet, my grandmother and her leg warmers, me and the dress ‘Daddy would like’. It was a Sunday, to cold for church, yet not too cold to say goodbye to half of me. He was too young to go. He hadn’t seen me fall off the ‘big bike’ he put together for me for Christmas. He hadn’t seen me play basketball or have slumber parties. He hadn’t seen me all dolled up for prom or see me cry over a broken heart. He missed graduations and first jobs. It was just too soon. Or was it? Perhaps I was too young for him to go.
Today, my mother and I visited him, fifteen years later. (Has it really been that long?) As we were walking together, arm in arm, tears streaming down our cheeks, I said, “We’ve done good, kid.” I wonder how things would have been different if he was still here. Where I would be. Where the path of my life would be headed. The direction his rearing would have given me. I’ve missed him everyday for fifteen years. And it ain't gonna stop anytime soon...
Sara
Guilt for still having my father. Wanting to take her pain away. Sadness over so many things. Regret about words said and things I've done. Unanswered questions about why people do the things they do. Wanting to know so many things I'll never get to know. Needing someone and them not needing you anymore. Being hurt by someone so badly you can't even talk to them about it. So you just let it ride and pretend it didn't happen. And you never know why it did. Wishing things were different.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:22 AM
