Saturday, May 29, 2004
It's odd how I haven't had anything worthwhile to say on my blogs lately. Seems like I just keep updating on the day to day happenings. I think that's because I've reached a strange point in my life. I don't spend alot of time analyzing things anymore because the truth is that everything just IS the way it IS and the only thing you have control over is the future.
So I find myself about to start a journey that only the Lord knows where will take me. I'm excited, anxious, and very proud. It's all me now...all me. I'm leaving things behind that I never thought I could leave, yet somehow it's not bothering me in the least.
One strange thing did happen to me thursday night. I went out with Leslie and after dinner we were sitting on the couch and all the sudden it hit me that I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want ANYONE to touch me. It all feels so wrong after Jason. I seriously thought I was doing quite well with that whole ordeal. I hadn't had time to think about it and what's done is done. But apparently that's a foolish way for me to think of it. Apparently it all meant more to me than I'd admit, even to myself. Now I really am emotionally unavailable. I was struck by this reality check so hard that it actually made me sick to my stomach and I left. As if I hadn't been sick enough as it is. I've gotten sick everytime I eat since we got in that fight. I don't know why, I suppose it's just nerves. In time it will fade (
"I wish I could go to sleep and wake up with amnesia").
However, on a brighter note, I'm off to party with my girl Jocelyn for memorial day. I can't wait to see everyone!!! Peace out with two fingers up like a G!!!
♥Oh, so vintage... 12:28 PM
