Sunday, November 14, 2004
"I just don't know what to do with myself..."
UGH! When am I going to get out of this funk?
It's destroyed everything I've ever believed about love and life and happiness. It makes me question everything I've ever known. I just don't understand how you can love someone so much despite all the bad things that have happened. I wish I could wake up and not have a clue who he is or how things used to be. I wish it would have been me. Then I would have at least had some sort of control. With this I have nothing. No course of action whatsoever. When someone says it's me, not you and you actually know that's the truth because for the past 8 months you've done nothing but try to please this person in every way possible, you realize that there truly are things in life that you have no control over. I want to go to sleep in his arms and wake up to the sound of his breathing. I want to know that I can call him at any time of day or night just to hear his voice. I want to run my fingers through his hair. I want to forget that he told me he wanted to kill himself. I wish I could have been that person to turn his life around. I wish he could have trusted me and that bitch would have never done what she did. I wish he wanted me again. Mostly I just wish I had my friend back.
♥Oh, so vintage... 8:39 PM
