Thursday, November 25, 2004
I'm giving up on people.
Not that I ever had too much hope for them, nor did I ever expect all that much from them. I simply don't understand them. The only thing I do understand about them is that they will ALWAYS put themselves first, which I suppose is "human nature" for the less advanced of our species. I've managed to gradually and ever so slowly whittle away at the base of my social circle until I'm now left with a few
true friends. Not that you can consider someone a true friend since deep down we're all just out for ourselves aren't we? I'm past the the point of being suprised and hurt when people act the way they do, but I haven't yet managed to figure out how to supress the anger that comes along with their actions. This past year has brought me through some interesting things that I never saw coming. I guess I'm a better person for it all because they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Mostly I'm tired and don't care anymore. I just want to either be at work, or asleep. I don't want to think about anything because nothing makes sense anyway. I've become that girl that I never wanted to be, the ones I always loathed because of their weakness and inability to be alone. Those girls that never had an identity of their own and were defined by what boy they were dating that week. I'm having a tremendously hard time readjusting to the single life. Not that I miss him so terribly, I miss having a warm body and that's about it. How is it that for 23 years I had absolutly no trouble loving life the way it was and now that I've seen what it can be I'm in denial about going back to the same old song and dance. I HATE going out. I never want to go out somewhere again without someone with me. UGH, that is disgusting. I've got to fix myself immediately.
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:05 PM
