As I'm lying on the floor in my room looking up at the various things I've got on my ceiling I'm thinking about the past few years of my life. Thinking about the memories, the experience, the miles, the friends lost and gained and I realize, he was just another adventure in my amazing life.
I woke this morning a new woman and the tears I cry are not for him, but are for absolute relief at knowing the world belongs to me, and I am incredible, never doubt it. When you face the scariest thing in your world right in the face and still have the strength to walk away. You know you can do anything. When the person you love most in the world can tell you that they don't feel the same way about you and apparently never did. You can close the door that you've been stuggling to shut for a year and a half. You can start over and although sometimes that's scary it's also the most unlimited type of freedom you can have handed to you. I poured my heart and soul out in a letter that should have won some type of award and got the absolute most empty 'brief' response I've ever experienced, well...short of no response at all. I can walk away with no regrets, no remorse, no hard feelings because I just don't have it left in me to care anymore.
I can breathe again, really really deep, and it doesn't hurt. I can be confident that I'm amazing and that I'm more proud of what I did yesterday than anything else I've ever done in my life. For once I stood up for myself and took care of me, not him, not my friends, not my parents, ME. I have dreams, so many dreams that I can't even write them all down. I want to spend the rest of my life down to the last breath making those dreams come true. I have no doubt whatsoever that I will make them come true.
I feel absolutely unstoppable this morning sitting here typing away in my pj's listening to Pat Green. Because when nothing else in the world can cure what ails me, Pat Green can. Call me crazy but when some people were off finding God, I was finding Pat Green. All the things that came along with it in the next few years saved my threadbare gypsy soul.
I've had an amazing summer and I'm proud that I didn't give up my friends. I'm proud of how much beer I drank. I'm proud that when I walk into school I have beautiful children absolutely knock me down to come tell me hi and that they love me. I'm proud of my life and who I've become and I'm proud of my friends and who they are becoming. I'm proud to know that I will continue to succeed and excel at anything I choose.
So here's to me and my crazy tragic sometimes almost magic awful beautiful life.
