Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Trust...
(*daily rant*) A very important dire need in a friendship of any kind. I've read that if you demonstrate distrust of people in general, you are actually distrusting of yourself because we are all one. However, in my spiritual quests I've found this to be one of the only things I really diagree with. I trust myself fully, but I severely distrust most people. Maybe I don't distrust them, but I am never ever the slightest bit suprised when they show disloyalty or poor character. It's not so much that I expect it, but it never comes as a suprise when I experience it. Therefore, if it's not a suprise then it never really hurts or bothers me at this point. I've had people in my life whom I thought were permanent and dear fixtures disregard me without the slightest thought and left me having no real clue as to why. I guess that in my 25 years of having this happen numerous times it has left me caloused and hard because in truth I'm not the easiest person to get to know and I rarely have any interest in getting to know other people. Or keeping them around if I do get to know them. Now that's not to say all people, because I do have a very dear circle of friends that I treasure. Having said all this I want to say that it breaks my heart more to watch one of those precious people in my circle get hurt by others because they are more trusting and unassuming than I am. I am vehemently disgusted by it. It leaves me angry and I just don't have time for it in my life and neither do they. I'm never going to be one of those bleeding heart compassionate people because in my experience 99.99999% of people deserve everything they get and usually bring it on themselves because of sheer stupidity on their part or a desire to take the easy way out.
With that out, I'm glad that I have both of my Amys and Jessica in my life, and of Course Jenn too (even though she should live closer!).
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:18 AM
