Monday, November 14, 2005
VANITY...Because it's really all about ME right? I don't know what's been going on in my head lately. I know that those of you who didn't experience hurricanes Katrina and Rita in the same way as those directly affected are probably sick and tired of hearing about it. I know that I could give two shits personally if New Orleans fell of the face of the god-forsaken planet. However I'm sure not everyone one feels the same way. I for one can't explain the ways I've been transformed and distorted by this experience. I'm one of those who lives by the rule that you take the good and you leave the bad. But, I find myself months later still unable to discuss the magnitude of the situation without being overcome with emotion and breaking down into tears. We live in such a false reality that we never truly comprehend it's delicacy until it's threatened. You never understand what it's like for someone to tell you"take everything you ever want to see again because it won't be here when you come back"until they say it to your face at 6:30 in the morning after 3 hours of fitful sleep. How do you place a value on 25 years of your life, 35 of your parents, and every hope and dream you've ever held in a few hours and throw it in the backseat of your car?How do you drive a quarter of a mile in 15 minutes and wait for 45 and have your life threatened by disgusting human filth, dehydration, exhaustion, and pure delirium? How do you stay strong for the strongest two people in your life as you watch them crumble under the stress? How do you keep praying constantly for 16 hours and beg God to let you survive this, making him every promise and vow you can think of if he'll just guide you through this safely? How do you look at those hundreds of thousands of other people in the same situation that you are in?How do you feel for the mother in the car in front of you with a 6 month old infant in 100 degree heat with no air conditioning and little way to get out of the sun. How do pass burned spots in the road where cars have caught on fire?
How do you pass people on the side of the road with tears streaming down their faces, holding signs begging for help?
How do you ever compare those tears of relief you cried when you finally knew that you were going to reach your destination?How do you deal with the fact that your neighbor wasn't as lucky as you were and they lost their life due to this stupid storm? How do you sit in a hospital emergency room crying with a woman who can't find her husband, found out her house was destroyed, and can't find half of her family still in Port Arthor?How do you have an experience like that and not have an AMAZINGLY different outlook on life? How can such an experience keep you from re-evaluating EVERYTHING you hold precious in your heart and how you want to live every single day for the rest of your life? Therefore, I will make no excuses whatsoever for my transformation as a person. I've become so disgusted by humanity that I have lost hope in all but a precious few. I'm not watching the news anymore, I'm not paying attention to politics. I'm never running again. Don't mistake my feelings as ungrateful because I truly know what it is to be grateful now. Life is just too Damned short for the petty bullshit people. Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride...
♥Oh, so vintage... 10:20 AM
