Wednesday, March 22, 2006
A day in the life at the Single Wide...
This past Sunday night I recently suffered a breakdown of sorts. One that has been two weeks in the making from pretending nothing was wrong I guess. Hell if I know what's going on in my own head anymore. But the catalyst for my breakdown was all because of a pretty boy with blue eyes and blonde hair that I once had a fling with. James took me to his house Sunday night after a fun evening of drinking and singing and fires and all that fun stuff we do down here in the bottoms. When I left with him I was in the frame of mind that it was time to do what I was about to do and that it didn't really count since I had done it before and that hell I was a grown ass woman. Not to mention I was REALLY drunk. Well one thing led to another and nothing happened short of him passing out on top of me naked which has unusually enough happened before. As I was drunkenly contemplating all of the recent happenings in my life I began to look around me at all the stuff Misty had left there. Which started me to thinking about all the stuff Brian had left here. All of his clothes, bags of stuff from storage, a spare tire, etc... I thought about how horrible and destructive these two individuals had been on both of us and how horrible and destructive they still were even though they had both managed to 100% disappear off the face of the earth. I got so upset that I called Amy to come get me, texted Jess and Pedro when she didn't answer, and was about to get up and walk home. Thankfully she got the message and She and Wingate came to my rescue. I don't even know what time it was. All I know is that I didn't make it out of the driveway before I was uncontrollably crying and proclaiming my hatred and how horrible Misty and Brian were. I don't know how long this went on but I know we sat in the driveway for a very long time before I came to an important decision.
I had already packed up 90% of Brian's things and taken them to his uncle, but I still had one bag, a spare tire, and a lampshade that had to go. My drunk ass rolls the tire out into the ditch and Amy throws the bag of clothes next to it. We stacked the lampshade on top of our lovely creation and with TRUE trailer trash style I left it sitting in the ditch for the taking.
The next morning did not treat me so well so I took the day off to nurse my "Migraine". While lying on the couch I heard a really loud truck stop in front of the house. When I peaked out the window I noticed it was a county vehicle. The next thing I know I see Brian's clothes flying through the air and into the dumpster along with his lampshade and tire. At first I was shocked, then I was guilty, and then I couldn't stop laughing! I had to call Amy and Mom at work to let them know. I definitely feel better after that.
I'm still sorta just here though. Not really happy or sad. Just here trying to put my life back together and not think of all the lies he told me, or the good times either. I don't want to remember, not because it's too painful, but because I really just don't give a damn anymore. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, and no Norm I'm not full of "Man hate". I think I'm very resolved over the whole situation and now I have an even better idea of what I do want and what I don't want out of life.
♥Oh, so vintage... 5:45 PM
