My words they pour like children to the playground...
"Sometimes a situation cannot heal until you release the challenge completely. To realize the healing however, you must first stop focusing on what is wrong and instead affirm: Everything is in Divine and perfect order right now."
I quit the dope quest and remain independently happy. How many times have I written that same phrase on here? Times when I truly believed for the moment I was "independently happy". But I look back and think to myself at that time I had no clue what it meant to be independently happy. And maybe I still don't. Maybe the concept is constantly evolving into something new every day. Or maybe I am always independently happy. Maybe my unhappiness all lies within my relationships with others. I think one of my toughest quests in life will be learning to balance. I tend to be the type of person who rolls with life beautifully for awhile then crashes in burns. Then I start the uphill climb again and it becomes a cycle. So I'm learning to put my foot down for me. At this moment I'm sitting in my kitchen/dining area typing away on my laptop. My laptop that I paid for. My kitchen that I painted purple and have accented with purple. And when I say mine it's a really great feeling. Who cares if it's a trailer? It's mine. My blood sweat and tears have gone into this place. This year this trailer became my sanctuary in some of my hardest days. I then "played house" with someone completely unworthy for awhile. And now that I can sleep here alone again I'm quite taken with this place. It's changed me more than I knew. Since I purchased it in September I've worked harder, played harder, and loved harder than ever in my life. I cherish everything about it, the good and the bad, the laughter and the tears (because there have been many). As I walked to the gate tonight to shut it I was overcome by the smell of honeysuckle, one of my favorite things about this time of year. It smells so much sweeter at night. I was overcome by a feeling of gratefulness. I love it here... My gnome on the fencepost My flowers at the gate My garden My backyard My wire spool patio furniture My purple and green kitchen My blue and silver bedroom set My brand new energy efficient washer and dryer My grill My tiki torches My ridiculously large bathtub My fabulous closets My precious cat and dog It is a complete expression and extension of myself. It's a work of art in its own right. A blank canvas with white walls when I bought it. So I hope next time I get to the top of that hill and the crash and burn cycle starts all over again I have enough sense to realize what I'm capable of and how important that is.
