All the baggage in your past Don't leave much room for a girl like me to be...
The day I somehow knew would come yet tried to vehemently deny to myself came and went last friday. My cell phone was dead all day and had been off. I picked up the house phone to call my mom and I checked my missed calls. There it was. The number I'll never forget. The number I knew immediately, but checked on my phone bill just to be sure. Why he called I haven't a clue. There was no message. Once again he only left behind a trace of his existence. I small yet vital remnant of love lost. A love broken by unseen forces that I will never know. Although it feels like ages since I've seen him or heard his voice it's only been two months. It seems impossible that it even happened, short of the leftover t-shirt, misplaced beanie, and a few pictures. I can't say that I don't miss him. I didn't even flinch when I saw his number. Not like how my stomach did flips till I was sick every time I saw Jason after we split (all 5 times). I guess I knew the day would come that in some way, shape, or form his presence would touch my life. In all honesty, I still sleep with the stuffed animal he got me for christmas (that is when I can bring myself to sleep in my bed). I keep our picture in my desk, albeit turned around backwards. And I still have an "I love you" written on the windshield in my car. I'm no longer curious about what might have happened or why it fell apart. Deep down when I packed his shit I knew I was done and I knew it was for the best. I can't explain all that I've learned from it because truly I'm still learning. I thank my Amy for telling me today how she watched an already strong amazing woman turn into someone who is even stronger and more amazing. I'm sure I'm not finished with the last tear yet, but I know that everyone I shed is closer to the end. And somewhere deep inside I still love him and always will.
