It ocurred to me yesterday on the way home from school that Men rarely if ever marry beneath themselves. However, women almost ALWAYS marry beneath themselves. Women are simply and sadly unaware of this misfortune. I've come to realize that men spend most of their time praying to god that the amazing woman they are with NEVER realizes her own self worth. They count on the fact that they have low self esteem, or are so hungry for that perfect relationship to "fulfill" themselves that they will settle for any average joe that comes along. Or in far too many cases and selfish pig that looks at them twice and offers them a beer. I'm constantly amused at the endless flattery I receive from Brian and the fact that it's all talk. He says the most amazing things about me yet his actions speak volumes and they seem to say "I'm the only thing I give a shit about". It all boils down to his happiness, not mine, not ours, but his. HE was the one who was unhappy without me, HE was the one who missed me, HE was the one I kicked out. But never once has it been about me, about the pain I went through. The times I called Amy to come pick me up from where ever I was because I was crying so hysterically I couldn't drive. From his viewpoint, not that he's said it outright, I brought that all on myself for kicking him out in the first place. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday morning to wish him happy father's day because he doesn't have a phone charger with him. He's staying with a friend in Conroe for work because they are riding together and he gave me that phone number. I honestly don't feel comfortable calling him there and I am of the opinion that if he wants to talk to me he can call me. He knows all my numbers. I'm just happy his ass has a job at this point. I suppose that he's doing well (right now) trying to prove himself to me. I just laid in bed night before last thinking of all the reasons this is never going to work and last night I went to bed missing him so badly I slept with his pillow. So what's a girl to do? Listen to her heart, or her head?
